Ever held back from speaking up because you were afraid of sounding dumb? You’re not alone.
The other day, I was a guest on a podcast that amplifies voices in the social impact sector.
Despite recording 70 podcasts myself, I felt surprisingly nervous.
I wondered what I was going to say, whether it would sound good, and why I was even there in the first place. 
What’s funny is that we often talk ourselves out of talking to others.
Here are four common self-sabotaging beliefs that prevent us from engaging fully in conversations and how to overcome them.
1. “I’m going to sound dumb.”
Social embarrassment is universal, it’s not just you. The truth? The dumbest thing we can do is never open our mouths at all.
Our ability to communicate is one of the most important ways we build relationships. And the more we do it, the better we get.
Overcoming this belief:
- Remind yourself that even the best speakers started somewhere.
- The only way to improve is through practice so start small and work your way up.
2. “Everyone is thinking about me.”
Ever replayed an awkward moment from years ago and cringed? You’re probably the only one who remembers.
Our brains have a cognitive bias called the spotlight effect. We assume people are paying more attention to us than they actually are.
In reality, everyone is preoccupied with their own thoughts, social media, and daily distractions.
Overcoming this belief:
- The world moves fast, people aren’t dwelling on your stumbles.
- Focus on being present instead of overanalyzing how you come across.
3. “I’m the smartest person in the room.”
We’ve all been in conversations with someone who dominates the discussion, believing their words hold the most value. At some point, we’ve probably been that person, too.
But conversations are meant to be cyclical. A healthy exchange of ideas between a sender and a receiver. If you’re only focused on your own thoughts, you’re missing the opportunity to learn, connect, and build stronger relationships.
Overcoming this belief:
- Approach conversations with curiosity. Ask more questions than you answer.
- Actively listen, rather than waiting for your turn to speak.
4. “I need to analyze everything in a conversation.”
I used to think I was a human connection expert.
In college, I spent conversations studying nonverbal cues, analyzing pacing, and running equations in my mind like I was cracking a social code.
But instead of engaging, I was checking out, losing focus and detaching from real connections.
Overcoming this belief:
- Let go of the need to “figure everything out” and be present in the moment.
- Not everything requires deep analysis. Sometimes, a conversation is just a conversation.
Breaking Free From Self-Sabotage
Stepping back, it’s clear these beliefs don’t just hinder conversations, they fuel loneliness and isolation.
Instead of holding back, let’s make the choice to engage.
- Say hi to that coworker in the break room.
- Ask the question that could improve your life.
- Send the message you’ve been sitting on.
Let’s make 2025 the year we connect more, talk more, and break free from the fears that hold us back.
