When I sat down with Crystal Rodenbaugh, therapist and founder of Tenfold Counseling Group, LLC, I thought we’d be talking about relationships, conflict resolution, and therapy.
Instead, I found myself confronting something personal. The realization that my father was the problem in my childhood.
Not because he was a bad man. Not because he didn’t love me. But because his intentions and his impact didn’t align, and for years, I was left dealing with the consequences alone. 
Why Intent vs. Impact Matters
In marriages, friendships, families, and workplaces, we often hear:
- “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
- “That wasn’t my goal.”
- “You’re overreacting—I wasn’t trying to be mean.”
I used to think if I didn’t mean harm, then I shouldn’t have to own the harm caused. But Crystal helped me realize something crucial:
- Intentions matter—but they don’t erase the impact.
- Taking accountability doesn’t mean you’re a bad person—it means you care enough to make it right.
What Needs to Change?
If we want stronger relationships and deeper trust, we have to:
- Listen before defending. Instead of jumping to justify ourselves, sit with the discomfort of hearing how you affected someone.
- Take accountability. Swap “I didn’t mean it that way” for “I see how that hurt you. I’m sorry.”
- Change behavior. Apologies mean nothing if nothing changes. Repair takes action.
Talking to Crystal reminded me that growth isn’t just about understanding ourselves, it’s about understanding how we affect others.
If we truly care about people, we have to stop hiding behind “I didn’t mean to.”
We have to own our impact.
Watch my full conversation with Crystal Rodenbaugh below.
