Ever held back from speaking up because you were afraid of sounding dumb? Youâre not alone.
The other day, I was a guest on a podcast that amplifies voices in the social impact sector.
Despite recording 70 podcasts myself, I felt surprisingly nervous.
I wondered what I was going to say, whether it would sound good, and why I was even there in the first place. 
Whatâs funny is that we often talk ourselves out of talking to others.
Here are four common self-sabotaging beliefs that prevent us from engaging fully in conversations and how to overcome them.
1. “Iâm going to sound dumb.”
Social embarrassment is universal, itâs not just you. The truth? The dumbest thing we can do is never open our mouths at all.
Our ability to communicate is one of the most important ways we build relationships. And the more we do it, the better we get.
Overcoming this belief:
- Remind yourself that even the best speakers started somewhere.
- The only way to improve is through practice so start small and work your way up.
2. “Everyone is thinking about me.”
Ever replayed an awkward moment from years ago and cringed? Youâre probably the only one who remembers.
Our brains have a cognitive bias called the spotlight effect. We assume people are paying more attention to us than they actually are.
In reality, everyone is preoccupied with their own thoughts, social media, and daily distractions.
Overcoming this belief:
- The world moves fast, people arenât dwelling on your stumbles.
- Focus on being present instead of overanalyzing how you come across.
3. “Iâm the smartest person in the room.”
Weâve all been in conversations with someone who dominates the discussion, believing their words hold the most value. At some point, weâve probably been that person, too.
But conversations are meant to be cyclical. A healthy exchange of ideas between a sender and a receiver. If youâre only focused on your own thoughts, youâre missing the opportunity to learn, connect, and build stronger relationships.
Overcoming this belief:
- Approach conversations with curiosity. Ask more questions than you answer.
- Actively listen, rather than waiting for your turn to speak.
4. “I need to analyze everything in a conversation.”
I used to think I was a human connection expert.
In college, I spent conversations studying nonverbal cues, analyzing pacing, and running equations in my mind like I was cracking a social code.
But instead of engaging, I was checking out, losing focus and detaching from real connections.
Overcoming this belief:
- Let go of the need to âfigure everything outâ and be present in the moment.
- Not everything requires deep analysis. Sometimes, a conversation is just a conversation.
Breaking Free From Self-Sabotage
Stepping back, itâs clear these beliefs donât just hinder conversations, they fuel loneliness and isolation.
Instead of holding back, letâs make the choice to engage.
- Say hi to that coworker in the break room.
- Ask the question that could improve your life.
- Send the message youâve been sitting on.
Letâs make 2025 the year we connect more, talk more, and break free from the fears that hold us back.
