If you’re reading this, chances are you’re doing a better job raising good humans than you think.
The very fact that you’re seeking guidance, questioning your choices, and caring enough to worry means you’re already on the right track.
So before we dive in, take a breath. You’re going to be okay. Your kids are going to be okay, too. 
There’s No Perfect Manual for Your Family
Here’s the truth Dr. Google and parenting TikTok won’t tell you: no parenting manual or trend perfectly fits your history, your situation, your kids, and your resources.
None. Not even this blog post.
Every piece of advice out there (including mine) can offer ideas and directions, but at the end of the day, you know your children better than anyone else.
You know their quirks, their triggers, their little faces. You know:
- When they’re about to melt down or when they’re genuinely hurt versus testing boundaries
- When they’re taking space versus withdrawing and isolating
- When to push and when to give them grace
Your parenting journey is constantly evolving just like your kids do. Even though it would be nice to parent your kids all the same way, we both know that’s just not how it works.
Each child’s unique temperament requires adapting your approach, which is why much of my work involves helping parents match their strategies to their individual child’s needs.
Plus, parents gain experience as they go, often becoming more relaxed and confident along the way.
Trust yourself to figure out what works, staying firm or adapting as you need to.
Embrace the Parent You’re Becoming
I was an amazing hypothetical parent to my hypothetical kids, with a clean house and everyone getting along.
You know what? I’m still amazing, even with my house sporting the lived-in look and having less-than-proud mama moments.
Embrace the parent you’re becoming, with all your flaws AND your triumphs, rather than the one you imagined you’d be.
Likewise, embrace the child you have instead of the one you imagined. Let your kids grow at their own pace. “Wrong turns” don’t have to define their destination.
Sometimes the scenic route teaches us more than the smooth highway ever could.
Trust Your Gut Over Your Anxiety
We’re living in an era of over-parenting and trying to make everything “perfect” for our kids, worrying that if we get it wrong, our kids will be irreparably harmed.
Honestly, it’s exhausting for everyone involved. We’ve swung from “children should be seen and not heard” to making everything about them.
Neither extreme serves our kids well.
You can’t live in fear of getting it “right” or your kids getting it “wrong.” You can’t try to control everything in your child’s life, but you also can’t give them free rein over every choice.
The key is finding a balanced approach: providing effective boundaries and guidance while giving your kids space to take risks and explore the world.
Teach them to navigate this world, not hide from it. Trust your gut, not your anxiety.
At the end of the day, you know your children better than Dr. Google or parenting TikTok ever will.
Trust yourself and your child enough to figure out the challenges while celebrating accomplishments and growth.
Let Them Struggle (It’s How They Grow)
Here’s the reality – your children will struggle.
Struggle is the catalyst for change and growth. You don’t get to dictate what those struggles are or when they occur.
Trying to protect them from challenges or clearing the path to make life easier actually undermines the very confidence and resilience you want them to develop.
If you constantly “fix” things for them, you rob them of the chance to develop their own problem-solving muscles and send the message that you don’t believe they can handle things.
You want your kids to know that they can literally do hard things.
You want them to know they can problem-solve, ask for help, and try again when faced with challenges or mistakes.
Your job isn’t to make your kids happy. Happiness is a feeling that comes and goes like all others.
Your job is to provide guidance that helps them discover their strengths and navigate their challenges.
You do this in the context of your relationship.
You are the stable, consistent presence that they can always count on.
Picture that toddler approaching a new playground. They glance back at you, borrowing confidence, but they still have to take those wobbly steps themselves.
They know they can venture out and you’ll be there when they return. That never changes.
Your kids will look to you and the confidence and wisdom they’ve learned from you when they are in uncharted, uncertain territory.
Trust your instincts about when to step in, when to step back, and when to nudge them in the right direction.
Parenting Is a Long Game (And That’s Good News)
The good news is that you’re going to be parenting for a long time. There’s lots of time for struggle and triumph, lots of time to provide guidance and support.
It’s hard not to catastrophize and get bogged down in the moment or period of struggle (been there, done that).
Those moments don’t define your child or their ultimate path. They might take you on a detour.
You might end up somewhere unexpected, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of the world.
Don’t put too much stock in any one moment, especially during times of struggle.
That tantrum in Target doesn’t define your child’s character (or your worth as a parent).
That eye-rolling phase doesn’t mean you’ve failed. That academic struggle doesn’t doom their future.
Even if your child is avoiding school, has no friends, is being bullied, or has similar heart-wrenching challenges, it doesn’t necessarily spell disaster in the long run.
It does mean that they’ll need your support more during these times, and that these issues might need to be addressed, and that’s okay.
Ultimately, parenting is a long haul, with many different paths, twists, and turns. Give yourself and your kids permission to mess up, learn, and try again.
You do not have to have it all figured out. That’s an impossible task. Patience is truly a virtue.
Here’s what I’ve learned (thus far) from raising three kids. None of my kids had a “perfect” experience.
They all struggled, and many times left me wondering about the future with my mind wandering to all the “what-ifs.” Honestly, the what-ifs aren’t relevant.
What matters is that we provided a stable, consistent presence. We adapted when things weren’t working. We kept showing up.
Trust the process. Trust that you’ll figure things out as you go. Keep showing up.
Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
I know a lot about child psychology, but at home, I’m not the expert – I’m just mom. I make mistakes.
I know the ideal way to respond to situations, but we don’t live in a perfect world. I do what works for our family, adapt when it doesn’t, and try to own my missteps when they happen.
Being an imperfect parent and letting your child be imperfect is not only okay, it’s necessary.
It teaches them that growth comes from trying, failing, learning, and trying again. It shows them that love isn’t conditional on performance or achievements.
What truly matters in parenting is connection, consistency (not rigidity, but reliable presence), and adaptability.
Your relationship with your child is more important than any specific parenting technique. Quality time trumps quantity every time.
As a parent, quality translates into validating their emotions and understanding their perspective while holding boundaries.
That relationship becomes the foundation for their ability to explore new things. Even as tweens and teens, your presence and relationship matter more than they likely admit.
The Bottom Line
There’s no scorecard for parenting, even though we all have one running in our heads.
You’re doing the best you can with the situation you’re in and the information you have. You’re adaptable and capable of change.
The fact that you’re reading this, that you care enough to seek guidance and question your approach, tells me you already have what it takes. Trust yourself. Trust the process. And remember:
Parenting is a long haul. You’re already enough. You’ve got this.
